I'm in the bathroom, mini me walks in and touches the radiator. I told him it's hot. Mrs Dave, "if shouldn't be, it goes off at 6.30." Me, "Well it is I've just checked it". Mrs (teacher) Dave comes in, touches it to prove I'm wrong. "Oh it is isn't it?"

The finalists in #ImACeleb are going to be Roman, Kate and Jacqueline. Anyone else think differently?

RT @davemyopinion: @MaureenDalby @ScottStryver The same reason we have invested billions in smart motorways. Too many people, the motorway…

@winthorpeestate @viaeastmidlands I've got the phone number for Paul Valentine who's been responsible for the upgrades to the bypass roundabouts recently. If you get no luck I'll call him and ask him to luck into it. If you DM me I'll give you a dashcam link to prove Via are wrong

@savechildrenuk @Channel4 Care to deny it???

@radionewarkuk @nottsfire This still shows how tight it is. https://t.co/hMFYBWthq1

@radionewarkuk @davemyopinion Hi @radionewarkuk we have the power under the Fire Services Act https://t.co/nzaJe0pNLc to move a vehicle if it is hindering our progress. However, would always ask the public to park considerably so we don't have to. https://t.co/tZ4OpVKwgU

@savechildrenuk @Channel4 That'll be the "charity" to help the poor who pay their CEO about £250,000 a year then!

@ghost_wales Nope. I like animals much more than I like humans

I think it's fair to say that in 8 days time, @Conservatives will still be in power, @jeremycorbyn will be sacked, @UKLabour will still be a laughing stock and @joswinson will be a has been.

I wonder who he robbed, whether he used violence, whether that innocent victim wants to, but can't, rebuild their life because of flashbacks, nightmares, PTSD, they can't sleep at night, panic at every noise etc🤔🤔🤔 https://t.co/E5e8icJE3q

@winthorpeestate any thoughts on a potential collision due to numerous lorries going into Rainbows on Quibel Lane, blocking all vision from the traffic lights for oncoming traffic turning right onto Northern Road? There WILL be a serious RTA or fatality there at some point.

Anyone seen #LancasterSkies? I missed it at the cinema bit can't see anything about it on @lancasterskies because they blocked me for some reason🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ https://t.co/cuEkmtkQoi

@theJeremyVine my teacher wife can work 90 hours a week and earns less than me as a trucker. Divide her salary by 90 hours she's on WELL BELOW minimum wage!

RT @davemyopinion: Woah! Watch from about the 1 min mark. We should do that here https://t.co/ObZgxjUexl

@PaulineStorey2 @chapman020 Labour won't stop it, they encourage it as they need the votes

Bullsh*t. Taqiya Family of terror attacker Khan 'saddened and shocked' by the atrocity https://t.co/dXT6ZBbj1I via https://t.co/lUnrLU3SVW